Beyond Ourselves

     I don't remember when I first found out Daddy had alzheimers. He was always such a perfectionist in everything he did. Mother was standing at her kitchen sink talking and as usual, I was half listening, when suddenly she got very quiet. I looked up from my book. She turned and I saw tears running down her face. She simply said that daddy had alzheimers and they were moving back to Arkansas. I couldn't believe it at first, then slowly it sunk in. Daddy was sick. They were selling their house and moving back home. Everything from that day on happened so fast it took my breath away! What in the world was she thinking? How would they manage? Mother didn't even drive! She said she wanted Daddy in a place where he knew people and they knew him.  I didn't know anything about alzheimers but still, I couldn't seem to visualize my daddy being sick!
     Lou and I moved them back to Grandmother's house. It was a large home that stood silently on a corner looking rather haunted. It was in bad shape, inside and out. How could they live in this mess, i thought to myself. Lou had to get back to California to work but I ended up staying six weeks, cleaning, painting, etc. Finally I felt like it was presentable enough for them to be comfortable in. Box by box we unpacked and set up house.

     I usually called them every Sunday. Slowly I began to hear the same story ( we're fine. Nothing new to report. Your dad likes to walk every day. Etc, etc.)

     In the meantime my sister moved back to Springdale which was about 25 miles from the folks. She worked the graveyard shift (she was a nurse) on the phych ward at the V. A. hospital.  She told me she wouldn't be going over to check on the folks because she didn't have time and couldn't afford the gas. She became know as "the absent daughter" by my folks friends.

     Daddy got worse of course as time passed. I never knew of him to drink hard liquor but now Mom told me he was picking up vodka bottles along the road and at the rodeo grounds and drinking what was left in them. I was just stunned but when I was back for a visit I found empty vodka bottles stuck EVERYWHERE! When I asked daddy about them he just smiled, his sky blue eyes twinkling mischieviously.

Now he was layering his clothes. No matter that it was summer, he still wore long sleeved flannel shirts plus a sweater plus a jacket. It was nearly impossible to get them off  for laundering.

     I knew daddy loved See's chocolates so I bought him three pounds and took them to him. Mom said she'd have to hide them or he would eat them all at once so hide them she did. Daddy was walking the railroad tracks once a day and bringing home rusty nails then placing them in Mother's linen drawer. This was increasingly upsetting for Mom but she never said a word to him. He also began bringing her presents. A dead bird, a bug, a matchbox., even a baby opposum that had been hit by a car. It died. I wondered at times what was going on inside his head. I didn't know the brain eventually atrophies and dies.

     Mother and I came home from church to find the back door locked. We walked around to the front door and noticed something brown smeared on the storm door. We opened the door to find a line made by his fingers along all the walls in the dining room, on the woodwork around the doors, etc. Mom was beside herself by now! " Oh no!" she moaned. "He's pooped his pants and smeared it EVERYWHERE!" I was just standing there dumbfounded. Boy, oh boy, I thought silently. What a revolting mess this is! I slowly walked to daddys bedroom and found him laying on his bed sound asleep, brown smeared all over his face, clothes, and hands.  I walked slowly over to him and bent over his face. I began to snicker which made Mother more aggrivated than ever! I reached down with my finger, traced along his chin, then stuck my finger in my mouth!

Mother turned ashen. I laughed.  "Mom, this is NOT poop. It's CHOCOLATE! Daddy found his candy while we were gone and filled his pockets, ALL of them, then went for a walk in the hot sun.  What a mess!

     Another incident happened while Mom was at church. Uncle Johnny came to visit and found Mother and Daddy both gone. He lay down on the couch and went to sleep. Mom came home and woke him up. She wanted to know how he got there. He said he drove. She then inquired about the absence of his car. He jumped up and ran to the back door. Sure enough his car was gone. So was their poodle, Cubby. Mom called the police and they began looking for him. They finally called the highway patrol and they joined the hunt along with their helicoptor. Mom called my sis who went over and joined the hunt. Everyone looked all afternoon. Johnny said he had a $20 bill stuck down in a gum wrapper but had no water, snacks, etc. It was getting late and still nothing. Around dusk daddy pulled into the back yard. He got out of the car, with Cubby and walked up the back steps. "Where in the world have you been Garland?" Mom asked him in a none too friendly voice. He just looked at her and smiled, twinkled those eyes and said," around."Mother never found out where they went but he'd used up a whole tank of gas, the car was covered in dust, and the $20 was gone.

     I thought my daddy hung the moon. I didn't know this stranger and I was mad! Very, very mad at the disease that took him away from all who loved him. This person who was afraid of the dark, afraid of water, was no longer interested in his music (he was an avid record collector), could no longer communicate, etc. just broke my heart. The worst came when he could no longer create with his hands. His beloved tools lay untouched. I asked him one day if he believed hin Jesus. He suddenly was lucid, looked at me  warmly and said," yes I do." Now that he's gone I somehow wish to believe he's creating beautiful mansions in heaven with the greatest creator of all time. Love you daddy, forever and ever.